The Block 2020 recap: Kitchen reveals

The Block judges were on a high this week, praising all five teams for some phenomenal kitchen design. Did I drink the Kool Aid? No. Were there some issues to discuss? Most definitely. Install some under-bench power points and let’s get into it.

DANIEL AND JADE CAME FIRST

Daniel and Jade scraped into first place this week with the help of the gnome, delivering a kitchen that featured a curved island with fluted joinery. The estate agent claimed the island looked like a penis, to which I say: Please see a GP immediately if yours resembles this.

Outside of that creepy moment, I’ve gotta say I’m not as smitten with the island as much as the judges were. The thin profile of the countertop stone looks cheap, and if you stood inside the kitchen, where the joinery is not present, everything reads as the same colour.

Sliding windows near the cooktop seems like an odd (and dangerous) choice, as is the oven placement in what will be a high-traffic walkway. Overall this kitchen reminds me of a 1997 Shania Twain: That Don’t Impress Me Much.

HARRY AND TASH CAME JOINT SECOND

Harry and Tash unveiled a luxurious kitchen, don’t get me wrong. It feels far more impressive and high-end than Daniel and Jade’s, so I don’t take that away from them. But it’s minimal. Borderline too minimal. Something about it also reads as a kitchen in a corporate office. I feel like my boss is going to walk in at any moment and tell me to have the Mackenzie file on their desk by COB.

Where are some wow-factor pendant lights? Where is the focal point in this space? Like anyone after eating Lean Cuisine, I’m hungry for something else.

The flooring and cabinetry is too close in colour, and it has resulted in a really warm-feeling zone. The strip lighting only added additional heat. Someone pass me a frozen Coke and some SPF sunscreen. Overall it’s nice, but missing something special.

JIMMY AND TAM CAME JOINT SECOND

Jimmy and Tam showed restraint in their kitchen design this week. After seeing their bathrooms I was worried about where they’d go with the hub of the home, but it’s actually not bad.

The green cabinets have to go though. It’s yet another room with an off-putting colour. We have turquoise, hot pink, peach and now mint green. Sure, hallways don’t sell houses, but neither do mushy pea cabinets. And pairing them with gold handles is a crime worthy of its own six-part Netflix documentary.

The space felt light and bright, spacious and contemporary. They just need to calm down the colour and think more about the market they’re selling in. And remove those cat-bum stools. The puckering is seriously disturbing.

SARAH AND GEORGE LANDED JOINT THIRD

Sarah and George’s kitchen deserved the win this week. The island alone is giving me a serious case of objectophilia. I would have done more than hug it except I don’t like to touch anything

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