Siri Is Honestly Just a Terrible Kitchen Assistant

Illustration for article titled Siri Is Honestly Just a Terrible Kitchen Assistant

Photo: Alex Cranz/Gizmodo

Folks, we need to talk about Siri.

It has, on a number of recent occasions, been brought up among staff at Gizmodo that Siri’s hands-free help in a number of environments is considerably lacking—including and especially in the kitchen.

Questions often go unanswered, requests for volume control unheard, and god help you if you need Apple’s virtual assistant to pull up a recipe or navigate between your webpages. Siri, I’m afraid to say, absolutely sucks at being even minimally useful while you’re cooking. Siri will make you huff in exasperation after the third time you’ve repeated a simple request. It will test the limits of both your patience as well as what you thought you understood to be technologically possible in the year 2020. Siri will make you wonder why you use Siri at all and why you continue to torment yourself with repeated regret and disappointment.

Siri is absolutely useless as a kitchen helper. Just painfully, utterly useless.

Illustration for article titled Siri Is Honestly Just a Terrible Kitchen Assistant

I want to be clear that I’ve tried absolutely everything to make the codependent relationship I have with my phone’s supposed genius far less fraught. I speak loudly and slowly. I opt not to turn my music or broadcast up too loud for fear that Siri might miss a command. I keep questions simple and expectations low for a returned answer. And yet the Google Home Mini that occupies a small corner of my kitchen has no trouble navigating my music, answering my stray cooking questions, and will read me what it has found while scouring the web before sending it to a connected smart device with a display. How very helpful!

When questioned similarly, Siri often returns a webpage with a response that seems to say, “Here, read this you moronic know-nothing, you blithering fool. Would you like me to wash your windows while I’m at it, asshole?” I’m sorry I asked!

It’s not just the kitchen, either. Using Siri with CarPlay is a huge pain in the ass. I must repeat my instructions multiple times, every time, without fail. Sometimes Siri comes through on a request for a particular artist I’m trying to listen to—other times not so much. And dictation through messages is, well, fine. Siri can dial numbers too, which is helpful. Stray reminders? Yep, good there. Check the weather, tell you the time? Check and check.

But god help you if you have to go hands-free in the kitchen. You will curse your phone. You will wonder why you’ve bought into the Apple ecosystem, why you’re putting your family through hearing you scream the same instructions at a gadget over and over, increasingly louder and more strained until you’re nearly hoarse. Cooking will lose much of its joy, in part thanks to the emotional exhaustion that goes hand-in-hand with directing your errant robot helper to please—for the love of god, please—play the correct podcast or answer a simple question without deferring to Safari.

I’m not

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NHL let Florida Panthers handle abuse probe, discipline of former assistant Mike Kitchen

The NHL said it was aware of an incident where a Florida Panthers assistant coach allegedly kicked a player on the bench, but said that it left any investigation and punishment up to the team.

Canada’s TSN reported this week that coach Mike Kitchen, 64, kicked a Panthers player on the bench during a Jan. 20 game between Florida and the Minnesota Wild. The report claimed that Panthers head coach Joel Quenneville and general manager Dale Tallon were made aware of the incident after the game.

The Panthers announced this week that Kitchen would not return to their coaching staff next season, though they didn’t specify why. After the incident, he remained on the staff through the March 12 “pause” due to COVID-19. Kitchen opted out of joining the team in the Toronto “bubble” for the restarted postseason. Florida was eliminated by the New York Islanders in the qualification round.

The alleged incident happened just over a month after NHL commissioner Gary Bettman said there was a “zero tolerance policy” for teams not informing the league of incidents of abuse.

“Our message is unequivocal: We will not tolerate abusive behavior of any kind,” Bettman said at the December 2019 board of governors meeting in Pebble Beach, California. “Going forward, our clubs are on notice that if they become aware of an incident of conduct involving NHL personnel, on or off the ice, that is clearly inappropriate, unlawful or demonstrably abusive or that may violate league policies, either [deputy commissioner] Bill Daly or me must be immediately advised.”

Daly said the Panthers did reach out to the league about the incident.

“The team made me aware of the incident a while ago. We discussed with the team the appropriate approach,” Daly told ESPN on Saturday. “The team conducted its own investigation and made its own decision.”

Kitchen had been an assistant coach for 26 seasons, including with Quenneville on the Chicago Blackhawks bench from 2010 to 2017. He was head coach of the St. Louis Blues for 131 games from 2003-04 to 2006-07. He rejoined Quenneville in 2019-20, the head coach’s first season in Florida.

Tallon’s contract expired after the season, and he was replaced as general manager by Columbus assistant GM Bill Zito. Tallon is also under investigation by the NHL for allegedly using a racial slur while with the team in Toronto.

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Assistant Mike Kitchen fired by Panthers after report he kicked player

Assistant coach Mike Kitchen will not return to the Florida Panthers next season among a series of staffing changes announced Tuesday.

TSN reported Kitchen kicked a Panthers player on the bench during a game in January and the team held an internal investigation. A team spokeswoman did not immediately respond to an email seeking confirmation.

Kitchen oped out of coaching in the NHL’s post-season for personal reasons, saying in July: “It was a difficult decision to say the least but the right decision for me and my family.” The 64-year-old rejoined coach Joel Quenneville behind the bench this season for the first time since 2016-17, and the two won the Stanley Cup together twice with Chicago.

TSN reported Quenneville and former general manager Dale Tallon were notified of the incident after the game. The team did not renew Tallon’s contract and last month hired Bill Zito as its new GM.

Beyond Kitchen’s departure, longtime NHL executives Rick Dudley and Paul Fenton were named senior advisers to the GM, and recently retired player Gregory Campbell is the new vice-president of player personnel and development after four years in player development with Columbus. Blake Geoffrion was named assistant to the GM, and P.J. Fenton has joined the scouting staff.

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Assistant coach Mike Kitchen won’t return to Florida Panthers amid report he kicked player

SUNRISE, Fla. — Assistant coach Mike Kitchen will not return to the Florida Panthers next season among a series of staffing changes announced Tuesday.

Canada’s TSN reported Kitchen kicked a Panthers player on the bench during a game in January, and the team held an internal investigation. A team spokeswoman did not immediately respond to an email seeking confirmation.

Kitchen opted out of coaching in the NHL’s postseason for personal reasons, saying in July: “It was a difficult decision to say the least but the right decision for me and my family.” The 64-year-old rejoined coach Joel Quenneville behind the bench this season for the first time since 2016-17, and the two won the Stanley Cup together twice with Chicago.

TSN reported Quenneville and former general manager Dale Tallon were notified of the incident after the game. The team did not renew Tallon’s contract and last month hired Bill Zito as its new GM.

Beyond Kitchen’s departure, longtime NHL executives Rick Dudley and Paul Fenton were named senior advisers to the GM, and recently retired player Gregory Campbell is the new vice president of player personnel and development after four years in player development with Columbus. Blake Geoffrion was named assistant to the GM, and P.J. Fenton has joined the scouting staff.

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Katherine Clark, who has swiftly climbed the House ranks, will run for assistant speaker

Clark officially entered what so far is a three-person field — Representatives Tony Cárdenas of California and David Cicilline of Rhode Island already are running — with a letter to her colleagues on Tuesday morning.

Clark’s swift and quiet rise up the ranks of power in the House since arriving in late 2013 has reportedly earned her the nickname “the silent assassin,” and a win could put her on a path to climb higher.

“Effective leadership is not about individual ambition,” Clark wrote in her letter, “but collective good.”

The assistant speaker position, which is held by Representative Ben Ray Luján, a New Mexico Democrat who is running for Senate, is the fourth-ranking spot in the House leadership. Clark currently holds a lower leadership position as vice chair of the Democratic caucus. She is expected to be reelected in November and Democrats are forecast to hold the House majority.

Members of the Massachusetts congressional delegation have a storied history of ascending to the highest ranks of power on Capitol Hill — but nearly all of them have been men, including the eight House speakers from the state and every committee chair from Massachusetts except for Edith Nourse Rogers, a Republican who led the Veterans Affairs committee from 1947 to 1949 and 1953 to 1955.

“She would be the first woman, and have done it in the shortest amount of time — especially coming on the heels of getting elected to the district in a state that’s still woefully pitiful when it comes to electing women,” said Mary Anne Marsh, a Boston-based political consultant. “You can’t underestimate the effectiveness of Katherine Clark.”

Clark has become a prolific fund-raiser for the party. Her allies describe her as a listener more than a talker with a deep understanding of different constituencies within the Democratic caucus, a progressive from a safe blue district who spent much of the 2018 cycle traveling the country to recruit — and then to elect — members in swing districts.

“She looks out for them,” said New Hampshire Representative Annie Kuster, a Democrat from a fairly moderate district, who described Clark speaking up in leadership meetings to remind her colleagues which votes would be difficult for members in competitive districts to take.

Clark, a former state lawmaker, won a 2013 special election to fill Edward J. Markey’s House seat after he was elected to the Senate. She has made headlines at certain points in her tenure — including in 2016, when she and the late Representative John Lewis led a 25-hour sit-in on the House floor to pressure Republicans to act on gun control measures. But over the past few years, she has focused on getting new Democratic candidates elected and quietly building alliances.

Now, she’s hoping that work will draw enough loyalty from new members — as well as her longtime colleagues — to elevate her further in the House. “She’s got a whole freshman class who’s indebted to her,” Marsh said.

Representative Sylvia Garcia of Texas, a

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