Help Wanted: Where We Post, What U Send

January 5, 2007 at 10:33 am | In Help Wanted |

‘Help Wanted’ is where we post what you send. So remember, keep em’ comin’. This post is brought to you by our fellow blogger Benji Lovitt. And we’re quite sure that’s not his real name. It’s just too cool…

You Have GOT to Be Kidding…

Two days after move-in and a long road lies ahead. Dirty floors, not much furniture, and no time to address either. Work is way too busy (a topic I won’t address here), and I was exhausted and in a rotten mood when I got home. All the more reason to start cleaning and get this process of settling in rolling already.

NOW…those of you living in the Western Hemisphere may be familiar with something I like to call a mop. While the internet, the Big Mac, and “Mmm…Bop!” have made it here over the years, somehow this futuristic cleaning device made a left turn around Cyprus and lost its way. To compensate for this horrible loss, Israelis have developed their own system of cleaning floors. I call this process “complete insanity”. Let me walk you through it. Take my hand and let’s explore it together!

1) First, you must clear your bedroom of any objects which might possibly touch the floor. Beds, dressers, 800 pound gorillas…it don’t matter! GET IT OUT! A fun alternative is to just leave your stuff there, allowing the possibility that it might get drenched later.

2) Next, you fill a bucket with soap and water. We’re on a roll.

3) Third, you locate the drain in the apartment which you’ll eventually push the dirty water into. Notice I didn’t say “mop”. That would be far too easy. The drain should be extremely inaccessible, preferably located in the corner of another room, under the kitchen table. When pushing the water from one room to another, make sure that you have no choice but to maneuver it around corners, defying at least 2 of Newton’s laws of physics.

4) Sweep the floor. With a broom. Like in America.

5) Like a burst from a cannon, launch the bucket of water indiscriminately in any direction. If you can hit a couch, an electronic device, or a baby, no worries! After all, YIYEH B’SEDER! This is what we Israelis do.

6) Take the magav, or squeegie on a stick (seen below), and push the water towards the drain.

7) Take your smartut (cloth/towel/rag?) and wrap it around the bottom of your magav in order to dry/scrub the floor. They might have just been messing with me here.

Repeat this process weekly.

WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?! Ok, this is where I draw the line! Doing this every week?!?! What are Israelis doing to their floors that they require this kind of maintenance? I’m not saying I’m the cleanest guy in the world (nor is any of my former roommates) but I guess my dust tolerance is a little bit higher. My new roommate Hila (same name as my co-worker) and her friend decided to help me with this process and got a good laugh out of it. Me handling the squeegie probably looked to them much like the dorky kid in gym class trying to swing the baseball bat and missing by 30 feet (if they knew what a baseball bat was). And of course we each played our role well: me, as the nervous American Jew: “Be careful with the water! My laptop’s over there!”, and them as, well, Israelis: “No prohb-lehm! Dohn’t woh-ry!”

In the end, I can sleep knowing my floor is a little bit cleaner, a good thing considering I’m sleeping on it until I get a bed (I have a mattress, Mom and Dad). Anyway, I have to go-it’s taken me about an hour to write this. I think it’s time to clean the floor again.

Posted by Benji Lovitt at 10:25 PM

Labels: Israelis Make Me Laugh, Life on the Home Front, Now I’m Just Being Silly, Once in a While I Just Have to Vent, This Aliyah Moment is Brought to You by the Letter Aleph

5 comments:
Larry said…
Shana Tova to you and Kelli Clarkson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:16 PM
Sarit said…
Ben, this entry had me in stitches! But now that I’ve finally stopped laughing I must tell you that you are SO wrong. The magav is the best invention ever. Rather than spreading dirt all around your floor with a mop, you actually get rid of it with the water and then dry the floor with the cloth. Your floors ends up MUCH cleaner than with a mop (a good thing, especially when you’re sleeping on them!).

10:16 PM
Stacy T said…
Benji, hee hee, this is really funny. If you’d like me to send you a swiffer, just say the word!

10:16 PM
Lindsay said…
B ~ keep up the excellent cleaning work! Will you come to my house next?

10:16 PM
cindy said…
american shortcut — sweep. dip the smartut rag in soapy water, wrap it around the magv and then pretend the whole thing is a mop.

Print this Post

LOL LOL !!!

I LOVED the magav when i was in Israel!!!
When your over @ peoples houses and their washing their floors the always say, (arbey mi’im) (sp?) a lot of water!!! Michaela

Comment by Mi — January 5, 2007
Oh I have laughed hard at this post. I remember my cleaner doing the same niagara wash in a flat i had in another part of the ME. I was horrified. So was the neighbour downstairs, as the tile grout wasn’t sealed, so water came through her ceiling. Now I live in the southern hemisphere, and there are no decent mops here either, so I think they did a turn about east of Israel too.

Comment by Noa — January 6, 2007
hello friends! From today a new blog about Israel is on line. The name is Il Giorno d’Israele, the language is the italian. News and informations, people and culture. I have linked this amusing blog on mine. Thanks, thanks, thanks, bye, danny.

Comment by danny — January 7, 2007
I had a friend come back from Israel once, and he went straight to college. Friday afternoon, he got set to do the cleaning he’d gotten used to: he swept, and spread soapy water all over his floors, and started to magav it up. Then he called me in a panic: no drain.

Comment by ryan — January 11, 2007
Hi all!

G’night

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Hi Jim. Photos i received. Thanks

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http://www.isrealli.org - Great site !

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Hi

Have a look to a interesting video I made to show off the dervishs dance from the guildwars Nightfall weekend event.
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Original for those that may not have seen it
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