Friends with Benefits?

February 20, 2007 at 10:05 am | In Lifestyle |

Israeli sex columnist Abigail Kasner gets this quandary mostly right, but what about those relationships that slowly and perhaps inevitably become too friendly? You know, when you realize your girl/boyfriend is more like the best roommate you’ve ever had than the lover you can’t live without.

Maybe the ‘friends with benefits’ crowd are wiser in skipping the interim stages that give nostalgia deeper meaning? Naw, that’s a bit too cynical, but definitely contains a kernel of truth.

I don’t know about you, but I hardly have any friends of the opposite sex. Sure I am acquainted with many people of a different gender, and sure we pretend to be very friendly, but lets face it, without that tension, I doubt we would waste so much time on banter.

In the end I suppose Abigail is right, it is easier to ‘fornicate’ (I really can’t believe she used that word, it makes me feel like a gerbil) with your friends because, well… it’s easy. And, yes, you’ll probably miss a good opportunity to meet someone special as a result, but if I’m right about the whole becoming friends thing anyway, than what are we to do?

From YNET:

Looks like a relationship, feels like a relationship, tastes like a relationship but by golly you’re just friends

Abigail Kasner

‘A friend with benefits’ is a popular expression. But dear Lord, what does it mean?

Yes, sure, the obvious, it’s got an added sexual dimension. You’re friends who shag when opportunity arises. Who go out at night wake up naked together in the morning and pretend it’s all just casual fun.

Maybe for some it’s that simple. I’m not sure who these people are, but hey, my social circles aren’t so wide.

The thing is, after all these years, I still don’t quite understand how it works. How feelings stay out and someone doesn’t get hurt.

It’s a slippery field to negotiate. If you do it every few months, that might keep it casual. But how do you know when? In between relationships? After big events? Only when drinking?

If you do it more often, can it really stay casual? A whole other topic, but really if you’re friends who sleep together on a regular basis, like each other as people, have a certain level of commitment, how is it that you’re not in a relationship? That’s where it gets particularly confusing. Looks like a relationship, feels like a relationship, tastes like a relationship but by golly you’re just friends.

Waste of time

No, not everything needs to be defined, but just because you don’t define it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. At that point you’re either in a relationship or somebody’s getting hurt.

But the real problem with “yezzizim,” as they call friends who fornicate in Hebrew, is that they are a waste of time.

Sure there are nights you are lonely or horny or just don’t care. They will pass. Go for the random one night stand (as I’ve advocated before) or just wait it through. Otherwise you end up in a wasteland of nothingness. You are neither in a relationship nor on your own.

With the comfort and safety of a regular hook-up in your corner, you are bound to pass up better opportunities. We’re a lazy breed and often a sure thing seems more appealing than the unknown.

There are three options when it comes to those of the opposite sex: You can be friends, you can be romantically involved (hopefully an overlap with the aforementioned), or you can be nothing at all.

The benefit of friends is having people in your life who are loving, caring, helpful and kind. Friends with benefits, well maybe the person has a car. The only benefit of sleeping with your friend is for a short moment in time, you can discontinue the search. But in the long run it is confusing and counter-productive to finding the real thing.

I’m pretty sure no one has died of horniness. But maybe your friend has a friend…